


Getting to Know James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser

by gjwandkids



Series: The Right Thing... [9]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gjwandkids/pseuds/gjwandkids
Summary: Frank's healing continues and he reads Jamie's journals.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Series: The Right Thing... [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712854
Comments: 20
Kudos: 87





	Getting to Know James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser

**Author's Note:**

> There is only one more section after this. I'll probably put it up later this evening.

**September 1949**

Wrapping up his affairs in England had taken Frank less than a month. The flat was close to Oxford, it sold almost immediately. Resigning from his position was a matter of letting Tom know that he was retiring to Scotland, handing in his letter of resignation and cleaning out his office. Frank had kept to himself, so had no other goodbyes to make.

His flat was packed up in a matter of days. It had come furnished. All of Frank's clothing and personal effects fit into his car, which he drove back to Broch Morda.

Frank wanted to begin researching immediately, but was cognizant of the fact that it would be easier to set up his flat first.

The new flat wasn’t furnished, so Frank went and purchased a comfortable bed, a large table with four chairs and an easy chair with a side table. He planned to have no guests and the flat was small. It was really too small for the table, but Frank wanted something to spread his research on. The four chairs came with the table or he would have gotten two.

He already had a wireless and a record player, though he hadn’t used it much.

* * *

The divorce had taken the least amount of time, though it had been the most difficult of Frank’s tasks while in England. He had used desertion as grounds as Claire suggested. As Claire had already signed, it was a matter of engaging a solicitor to file the paperwork.

Frank did have to appear before the court, but with letters from Reg and Mrs. Graham as well as the police in Scotland, he was able to prove that Claire had been gone for three years at that point, and only returned to hand him the signed divorce papers. He was now waiting on the final decree and had given the clerk his Broch Morda address.

It had been the end of July before Frank was all settled into the new place and he needed to go to Aberdeen in a week to set up his office and prepare for the coming term. Seven days. He had seven days to research uninterrupted.

* * *

Frank still had all the letters from Claire’s children, which were dated in the 1760s and 70’s. That must be when Claire told them the truth. He was tempted to read them, but that would be out of order. It was better to begin at the beginning and go forward in chronological order, he decided.

With that in mind, Frank made a trip to Lallybroch and retrieved the other three journals for 1746. Ian Murray, Janet Murray and James Fraser.

Claire’s first diary, was still in his possession. He had it still, loath to give it up. The journal was a tangible piece of Claire. Although his mind knew that she had died in 1805, Frank’s heart felt that Claire was alive, just far away. He had read through it once and then a second time.

* * *

That first year had been difficult for Claire. Fraser was still a wanted man at that point, healing from his wound received at Culloden from Frank’s ancestor. After everything Claire had told him concerning Black Jack Randall and his actions towards Claire and Fraser, Frank was relieved that he wasn’t directly descended from the man after all.

Claire’s pregnancy had ended well with the birth of a daughter, Brianna Ellen. Claire’s description of the birth had been detailed. It was a surprise that Fraser stayed in the room with her. Frank didn’t think he could have done it. To see her suffer so. Frank was honest enough to admit, (if only to himself) that watching Claire give birth would need strength he didn’t possess.

After reading Claire’s journal, Frank read Ian Murray’s. It was a very different journal. The language was more in keeping with the period. Claire’s had been more modern in character, and easier to understand. Murray used words and phrases that Frank wasn’t as familiar with and he found himself taking more notes. A far different perspective, Mr. Murray wrote about the farm and the struggles of the tenants to keep enough food, the pain of his leg and the antics of his children. Everyday things that were rarely recorded for posterity.

Frank was about ten pages from the end of the journal when he had to put it down and prepare for his classes. He wasn’t comfortable taking anything with him to Aberdeen just yet, so it was the end of September before he finished reading Ian’s journal and taking all his notes.

When the notes were finished, he made arrangements for Sandy to come to Lallybroch with him on Saturdays. She started with Ian’s journal and read it on site. Frank wasn’t ready to share Claire’s yet.

* * *

They spent the entire first term with Ian’s journal. After Sandy had finished her reading, they compared notes. Once Sandy was done defending her thesis, Frank knew they would have to come more often, or she would never even get through all of Ian’s journals. There was just so much new information to process.

Frank had already begun to read Janet Murray’s first journal. He read that while Sandy was reading Ian’s.

Janet Murray’s journal was even more mundane, speaking of domestic affairs and child rearing more than any other topic. Mrs. Murray did have an education, and was fond of French novels.

Frank found this to be a fascinating contradiction that an obviously educated woman could be so content with cooking, laundry and childcare. As a historical resource however it was invaluable. Giving detail to the running of an 18th century household that Frank had never before encountered in any research.

Mrs. Murray was also a woman of strong opinions concerning the English and their treatment of the Scots. Had the journal been read by the wrong person, she could very well have been arrested. It didn’t seem to be something that curbed her tongue though. At least not in the journal.

By the end of October, Frank was done with Mrs. Murray’s journal, and ready to move on to Fraser’s.

Except he wasn’t. Not really. It took Frank another week of bracing himself before he finally opened it.

> _**June 30, 1746** _
> 
> _Claire is sleeping. As I am still trapped in this bed until my leg heals, I am not in the least tired. I rest all day, and am awake far into the night. I don’t mind. It allows me to watch my beloved wife sleep, to pray in Thanksgiving for her safe return._
> 
> _Claire has told me of those who helped her. Who hid her and protected her while I could not. The ones who gave her provisions for the journey back to Lallybroch, and helped her find her way. I shall pray for those ones every day of my life._
> 
> _Claire returned with the documents needed to prove my loyalty to King George, but it will be some time before I can use them. They are safely hidden until then. A rider has been sent to Ned Gowan at Leoch to ask for his assistance in preparing the petition to the King._
> 
> _After much discussion and some shouting (mostly from Claire and Jenny) it has been decided that I will not turn myself in until after the bairn comes. Due to my hot head she was all alone when Faith came… to soon. Claire had no support when grieving our lass who never took a breath. I will NOT be gone from her for this child._
> 
> _I dare not speak my fear to Claire or to Jenny, or even to Ian. All seems to be well, but one can never tell. My Mam seemed well also, and then she was gone, my little brother with her. It gnaws at me, the fear. I cannot show it though. Claire needs me to be strong._

Frank closed the book with a sigh and rubbed his face. He didn’t want to sympathize with Fraser. He wanted to hate him. To blame the Scot for the loss of Claire. Being objective was going to be much more of a challenge than Frank had imagined. Maybe he should...no. Frank wouldn’t turn this over to Sandy. He was an historian, even if he was personally connected to this particular family’s story.

He opened the book and read the next entry.

* * *

> **_July 1st, 1746_ **
> 
> _Claire wrote to Mother Hildegarde today and sent the letter off. She is hopeful that Mother will send one of the sisters to attend her in child bed. Claire has gotten into many arguments with Old Mrs. McNabb who serves as the midwife for Broch Morda and Lallybroch. Mrs. McNabb is a good woman, but doesn’t see the need for all the washing of hands and boiling of cloths Claire insists on in the birth chamber._
> 
> _Personally, I have seen the results of all the washing and boiling, our casualties at Prestonpans were far lower than expected. Many of the men recovered that I didn’t expect to. I hope that Mother Hildegarde sends someone, for Claire’s peace of mind if nothing else._

* * *

Frank smiled at that. Claire had her way, as he knew from reading her journal. As stubborn as she was, the hands would have been washed and the cloths boiled whether a french nun had attended her or not.

Frank spent all of November and December reading through Fraser’s journal. He didn’t take many notes, that part he would leave to Sandy. Frank knew he wasn’t objective, he hadn’t taken many notes on Claire’s journal either.

As he read though, he got to know the man. Despite himself, Frank found that he was coming to like James Fraser. He was an honest, honorable man with a strong sense of justice.

Frank found himself smiling over the descriptions James wrote of arguments between himself and Claire. He never shied away from admitting to his own faults. Neither did he downplay Claire’s.

It didn’t seem to matter though. James Fraser obviously loved Claire deeply. It was in every line he wrote, even when they were arguing and James was angry with her.

His description of the birth was heartbreaking. Frank could feel the fear that had gripped James and the overwhelming relief when Claire and the baby had come through it healthy strong, coming off the page.

* * *

> **_November 23, 1746_ **
> 
> _Thanks be to God! We have a daughter. A living daughter! Brianna Ellen. She has my red hair and her Mam’s chin. I’m sure I shall be able to see more of myself and Claire in the coming weeks. Brianna also has my blue eyes, although Claire says all newborns have blue eyes and they may change color._
> 
> _I confess I do not care. She is healthy. Claire is healthy. That is all that matters to me._
> 
> _The birth was frightening. According to Jenny, Mrs. McNabb, Claire, and mother Hildegarde, it was an easy birth. If that was easy I don’t care to contemplate what a difficult birth is. Truth to tell, I’m amazed that women don’t bar men from the marriage bed after such an experience._
> 
> _I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. I could do naught but hold Claire’s hand, whisper encouragement and press my closed fist against her back when the pains struck there. Claire says that my presence gave her strength, but I don’t know if I quite believe her. She is already so strong my Sorcha. I will not argue the point with Claire of course. If she says I helped her then I am glad it is so._
> 
> * * *
> 
> **_December 8th 1746_ **
> 
> _Brianna was Christened today. It is fitting that it was on the Feast day of The Blessed Virgin’s Conception. Claire and Brianna both looked so bonny wrapped in their plaids. I spent some time before our Lord praying in Thanksgiving this morning, before going back to the house to bring them to the church. Father Edwin celebrated the Mass directly after the Christening and many of the tenants came to the church early to witness the Christening._
> 
> _We had a small quiet celebration at Lallybroch after. All the tenants came and wished us well, giving small gifts to Brianna and Claire. Normally the celebration would have been much larger. That is not prudent at this time. The English seem to be content to leave us be at present. I have no wish to draw their attention._
> 
> _Some of the men made statements about it being too bad that Brianna is a daughter instead of a son. Claire didn’t say anything, yet I could see the anger in her face. I was quick to say that I didn’t care. A healthy child is all I ever wanted, and a daughter is a blessing. I do feel that way. After seeing Claire give birth, I can attest that she and Jenny are stronger than any man I know._
> 
> _As the midwife said at the birth, maybe more men should be in the birthing chamber. They wouldn’t dismiss the strength of women then._

* * *

> **_December 31st 1746_ **
> 
> _Today is Hogamany. The last day of 1746. It was a very hard year, and yet a very blessed one as well. Ned has left to present our petition for pardon to the English minister. I pray that we will receive it soon, and that I may spend the rest of my days quietly at Lallybroch with my family._

* * *

Frank read the last journal entry and closed the book. It was December 31st 1949. He found himself agreeing with Jame’s sentiments. It had been a very hard year, and yet; a blessed one as well.

Frank still missed Claire, but the grief was easing. It helped to read of her life, he had discovered. It also helped to read Fraser’s journal. Frank had built him up to be this larger than life character in his mind.

It was something of a consolation to read that he was just a man. A good man to be sure, but not a perfect one. He had human failings just like Frank did.

Though he and Claire obviously loved one another, they argued too. Somehow that made Frank feel better. Less of a failure, less inadequate.

With a sigh, Frank tidied his flat and got ready for bed. Perhaps in the coming year he should attempt to get to know the other faculty at Aberdeen. It was time to start living again.


End file.
